Virtually every musician either has, or at least has had, aspirations to tour. Some have been inspired by the stories of the road to pursue a musical trek, while others, especially at the independent level, have been overwhelmed by the logistical nightmare planning a tour can be and ended up staying at home.

In reality, going on tour isn’t very difficult at all, especially these days. The once-daunting task of finding venues and similar bands in cities you’ve never visited has been eased greatly by online social networking sites, such as MySpace and Facebook. As a result, more and more bands are able to actually go out and tour. But that doesn’t mean your first time on the road isn’t going to have a few speed bumps along the way. In fact, they can be pretty brutal if you don’t plan properly.

This column will attempt to give you the basic “dos and don’ts” of touring, and hopefully allow you to avoid some of that nasty crap that can ruin a good road trip.

An empty wallet at the beginning of a tour does not bode well...

First things first: on your first tour, you will not make money. “What’s that,” you ask? Allow me to repeat myself: you will not make money. Unless, of course, you are the newest major label product of the month, in which case, don’t read this just get a damn good lawyer. But in all seriousness, I assure you that you will not make money on your first tour. And that’s without even factoring in lost wages from your day job. Why? Because chances are no one outside of your hometown knows anything about you, unless you plan on simply sticking around Alberta for your first go. No matter where you’re headed though, each gig will pay you enough to buy enough gas for the next leg of the trip, if you’re lucky. Therefore, it’s a good idea to budget your trip as if you’re not going to make a dime, and plan ahead as much as possible. If you plan on camping or staying in hotels, make reservations and make sure you know in advance what you’ll be paying. If you plan for the worst, as far as money is concerned, everything else is gravy, and you can actually relax and enjoy yourself.

Secondly, make sure you take travel time into account when you’re booking the tour. If the drive between shows is longer than eight hours, put an extra day in between. Shows can easily go until 2 a.m. Some venues want gear loaded in before 9 p.m. Once you factor in bathroom/gas stops and eating, that means you absolutely have leave before noon, no matter where you’re headed. And that means waking up no later than 11 a.m. and being on a strict time schedule for the rest of the day. Do yourself a favor and book the extra travel day.

And don’t forget North American weather can get quite severe, particularly in Canada. In fact, you may want to reconsider booking a tour during the winter months. If you are determined to tour in the winter, add at least 25 per cent to your transit time, just to be safe. The stress you save will be your own.

Further along those lines, when booking, try as much as possible to avoid doubling back. Extra travel means more and money on gas, and more time sitting on your ass driving from show to show. Sometimes you have to, but do as much as you can to avoid it. And please, double-check all your bookings before you leave. Trust me, you do not want to drive hours out of your way for a show that no longer exists.

And speaking of getting there, as much as you plan out you route in advance, you will still need some sort of navigational assistance. It is almost guaranteed you will encounter road construction. All it takes is one, small detour to get your ass completely and totally lost. The new iPhone 3Gs are great, but I’d strongly suggest spending some cash and getting a decent map. Not everywhere in this country of ours has 3G coverage. You might not want to take the risk of getting lost in a dead zone.

Car maintenance, while not a fool proof way to have a successful tour, sure helps in the long run.

This next bit of advice should be obvious. Make sure your vehicle is in good shape. If you have to make an excuse like, “I probably should fix the brakes, oil leak, weird vibration, whatever, etc., but I’m sure it’ll be fine,” don’t drive it. Don’t take the chance of having to cancel shows because you can’t afford the repairs. Fix it before. And make sure you a) have a spare tire, and b) have a spare tire that holds air. Seriously.

Unfortunately, even brand new vehicles can break down. The cheapest way to hedge your bets on this is to get an Alberta Motor Association (AMA) membership. It’s worth it to cover your ass here, because towing charges will be huge if you ever do break down. And you’d better hope like hell that you don’t break down in the middle of nowhere. They’ll also be able to get your keys out of your car if you lock them in while trying to unload gear. This isn’t an absolute necessity, but if you want to have your ass covered, this could save a tour. For more information, visit AMA. And hey, the membership will even get you a discount on a car rental should you find yourselves absolutely hooped.

Always keep a stash of extra gear somewhere in your backpack or kit bag.

Assuming you arrive in one piece, things like breaking a string can suddenly become catastrophic, especially if you happen to play an instrument with a greater-than-average number of strings. Again, I’d advise you plan for the worst. Try to always have a spare set of strings or sticks in reserve. And start things out with a relatively new set of strings. Just to be safe. Also make sure you have replacement fuses. They’re cheap and damn handy when your head or keyboard blows a fuse. But in some cases, they’re not that easy to find the moment you blow one, especially in a new town.

If any of those new towns are on the other side of the border, make sure you get the proper work visa in advance. I would highly recommend you avoid getting caught at the border for any reason, and having this piece of paper will alleviate all manner of headaches, not to mention potential cavity searches. Provided everyone has their passports up-to-date and no criminal records, right? Because those two pretty much stop the show at the border. The easiest way to obtain your visa is by joining and using the American and Canadian Federation of Musicians (AFM/CFM). They aid members in obtaining their visas, as well as provide instrument and personal insuraance. And whatever you do, make sure you leave your recreational pharmaceuticals at home. Unless you really, really like the aforementioned cavity searches and fancy a one-way road trip to a tiny little cell with no music.

There are some pharmaceuticals you can take with you, and they’re highly recommended: Tylenol, Pepto, bandages, etc. At the risk of sounding like an overbearing parent, make sure you have a fully stocked first aid kit. I can’t even count the number of smashed or cut fingers I’ve endured loading gear, changing tires, etc. in the course of touring. It’s another simple thing that you won’t appreciate until you need it. And the longer you’re on tour, the more likely you’re going to need it.

In truth, you could ignore every single thing I’ve suggested and still survive touring. And I know there are countless other situations I’ve left out because I probably could go on for days. But, the main point is if you use a little common sense and spend a little bit of extra time planning, you can avoid some potential tour-ending scenarios, and have some fun touring. After all, you play music. And isn’t play supposed to be fun?